In Dortmund, one of the bigger cities in Germany, the Greens and the Social Democrats (the functional equivalents of the Democrats) have decided that the city’s traffic lights shall be more “gender neutral.” In the States, a red hand (probably male) indicates at pedestrian crosswalks that one has to stop. The signal to cross is indicated in white through the capitalized word WALK. In Germany, a red pictograph of a standing male figure with a hat indicates that one has to stop. That one can cross is indicated by a green pictograph of a male (still with a hat) who is depicted walking.
This is of course a situation that needs to be rectified ASAP for the Greens and Social Democrats. Ergo, they have introduced legislation that requires half of the traffic lights to depict a female, with a skirt, thus to achieve gender neutrality. The skirt is important, since the argument of the proponents is that the bigger surface area of the female (aka, more hips), more light will be emitted than through the skinny legs of a male.
There is a slight fault with this proposal, however. For once, females constitute more than half of the population. These politicians, who are keen on achieving gender neutrality through the crosswalks, should consequently raise the female ratio to 52 percent, not just 50 percent, to end this injustice.
Furthermore, five percent of the city consists of Turks. Assuming that the Greens and Social Democrats are honestly concerned to achieve an accurate reflection of society on the city’s streets, they should quickly amend their bill and add that five percent of the traffic lights have to depict Turks.
Since even with Turks gender equality has to be achieved, I propose a fashionable head scarf for the female and a handsome moustache for the male pictograph. In fact, if traffic safety is to be achieved, the depiction of an entire Turkish family is the best solution. The agglomeration of an entire Turkish family would emit the maximum amount of light, since the Turkish family is significantly larger than a German family (see Thilo Sarrazzin, expert on family planning, for further details).
Considering that the color red stands for the Turkish flag, and the color green for Islam, such a change in traffic lights would be another step towards “integration,” too. To kill to birds with one stone, or less morbidly the German saying, Zwei Fliegen mit einer Klappe.